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The current period represents a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop communication with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more confounding – an frequently unsuccessful pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y forerunners could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to talk about love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – According to Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon connected to a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s response is interested or disinterested. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Zoomers' rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Support test – This signifies going for someone who supports you unprompted. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to partners who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Behavioral quirks suggesting a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of desire.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {